The Journey is…Olivia. “Mom’s are stupid sometimes.”

Smiling as I watched the busy little girl at the table next to us.  Up and down in her chair, talking & talking AND TALKING!…while the rest of the family sat basically in silence as they finished their meal.  The restaurant was full of people, but she caught my eye.  With her dark hair & almond eyes, she looked nothing like the rest of her family.  I assumed that like me, she was probably adopted.  My mind wondered as I thought back to my own childhood….Thinking that this little family had a likeness to my own as a little girl.  She continued fidgeting & talking…and asking for ICE CREAM over & over.

Then the likeness to my family suddenly came to a halt as I heard the mother speak these words:  “Don’t make me wish we hadn’t got you!”

I kept waiting for the rest of the sentence.  Surely I heard her wrong!!!  I kept thinking….“FINISH THE SENTENCE!”

Don’t make me wish we hadn’t got you….that big sandwich…that HUGE drink…that nasty, stinky, dirty pet hampster…SOMETHING…………ANYTHING!

But, NOTHING.  That was it.

Simply, Don’t make me wish we hadn’t got YOU.

I was SO MAD!  I wanted to revoke that mom’s parenting license!  I could literally feel my blood pressure rise…I had to make myself relax…or risk ruining the whole meal with my own family.  How did the little girl respond?  What did she do?  Nothing.  The mom hurriedly grabbed her by the arm & rushed her around the restaurant….out the door they went.  She was too young to understand those words…today.

So…to give her the benefit of the doubt…I will say, maybe that mom doesn’t realize the power that is held in the words that she speaks to her child.  Maybe…she even had similar words spoken to her as a child.

So since I will likely never see her again…I’ll take a minute here & to talk to that little girl.  Maybe she’ll read this one day, let’s just call her “Olivia” (I just love that name):

Dear Olivia,

It was so nice to see you today, you were the most precious child in that restaurant today.  I enjoyed watching as you filled the place with sunshine!   I’m sure you’ll learn to sit still long enough to eat lunch one day…and that ICE CREAM!!!  I know!  It’s hard to eat an old boring sandwich when they have all that delicious ICE CREAM just wating for us to enjoy!!!  Someday you’ll be a grown up…then you can eat dessert first if you want(that’s what I do sometimes)!

I am so sorry about what your mom said today.  I hope she stops!  You know, us moms aren’t perfect…we often say things that we don’t really mean when we’re frustrated.  Many times, we just repeat what we heard said to us when we were kids.

Olivia, you’re going to find in life that LOTS of people are going to say many hurtful things to you.  You know what?  Just because they say them….THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE!!!  For example:  If I say, “Olivia….you are a ROCK.  A great big, gray, mass…a boulder.”  You’re not going to be sad and think, “Well, it must be true.  I’m a rock…because Mrs. Julia said so.”  You’re not going to be sad and cry because now you just have to sit on the side of the road for the rest of your life, watching the cars drive by.  You’re going to think…that’s silly.  Mrs. Julia is so wrong…I’m a person!  You will just move on, forgetting about what I called you…

So your mom has said…”Don’t make me wish we hadn’t got you”.

What do YOU think about that?  How does that make YOU feel?  I’m guessing that makes you think that you are unwanted, that nobody loves you.  That if you don’t do everything just right, you are unlovable.  I just want to make sure you know, just because they said it and just because that’s how you feel….that doesn’t make it true.

Olivia, you were handcrafted by the Lord Jesus Christ himself!  YOU ARE who God says you are!  This is what He says…He says that you are Created in His image!  Filled with His LIFE!  God created you because He wanted to fellowship with you.  He IS Love…and that love lives in you and flows out of you.   You ARE here on this earth at this moment, for a specific purpose!  You are loved.  You are wanted.”

Your life will bless many, I know it already blessed mine!

Love,

Mrs. Julia

To all the parents that are reading this, I would say:  You chose to have them…you chose to keep them….or in this case…you chose to adopt her as your own.  Children are precious gifts from God…NOW CHOOSE to love them every minute of every day.  Make sure they know they are wanted…cherished ♥

 

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15 thoughts on “The Journey is…Olivia. “Mom’s are stupid sometimes.”

  1. Do you REALLY want to know in an uncensored, triad, of adjectives and verbs how it made me feel and what I think about the worthless human being called mother in the above passage?

    • I think that since I have a large range of ages that might read this…maybe it would be best not to 🙂
      How about instead…tell Olivia what you think about her.

  2. Olivia. You are a great and sweet child that come from God .to show this family that Love is not suppose to hurt and we all are sent here and put where God won’t us to be until he see It’s time for us to leave.you may not be able to help your mom but you help a mom. Today.her name is Julia Davis..you helped her to relize that she is a awesome mom and that she is a true blessing to all the other moms to write this for us to see so you have really had a big impact on us just because God put you and Julia together today .Thank you so much..Olivia;) And u 2 Julia for been use by God to help us all.

    • Thank you for your insights & kind words Mrs. Marilon.

      She did help me as a mother AND a daughter. As a mother, she reminded me how valuable & precious my own children are to me. I see them in a different light & am more thoughtful of the way I treat them & how I honor them. I don’t think her mother even realized what she was saying or what impact her words might have.

      As a daughter she helped me appreciate my own parents more. I am thankful that I didn’t have to overcome such an injustice. To love my children in my thoughts and actions is natural to me…because that is the way I was treated. This is Thankful Thursday…I am truly thankful for them.

      …and Olivia…I believe you will use your feelings of injustice as a motivator. You will have a determination to love your own children, ALL THAT MUCH MORE! You will be a great mom!

    • “You can create your own life.”

      I love that. I have thought of so many things I would want to tell all the Olivia’s that are reading this, but nothing seems right. Even when I was writing the blog…I found it easy to explain how upset I was. But just the “right” words to speak to Olivia were difficult to come up with. I still don’t feel that what I said was all that she would need to hear.

      I have found that there are times that the only one who truly understands & knows just the words to minister to your heart…is someone who has been there before.

      Thank you for being led of the Lord. Letting her know that she is not alone in the way she feels & that she truly has the power to be more than she knows possible.

      I am proud of you for winning…overcoming…achieving.

  3. Sometimes in life, as well as my situation, I had to create my own life. If it were up to my mother we all would have been dead the minute her “resources” run out when our fathers left. Of course she done everything she could to kill us but we would never die. By the mercy of GOD we endured years of torture, emotional, mental, and physical abuse……Beyond that I have had my own journey in life creating my own life…i had no choice. It was either that or fall into a statistic, or just give up by laying down and dying…..The human spirit is as strong OR as weak as we CHOOSE for it to be. Its not easy. Ive struggled with the fruits of all kinds of abuse that was done to me my whole life- and still do…However, just as the word states, BUT thanks be to GOD who causes us to triumph and become “trophies” of his grace! I constantly “appeal” the sentence Satan handed me a long time ago to my king and ask for his intervention!!!! So far hes never let me down.

  4. Ohmigosh! My heart just breaks for this little girl…and for the way I see some parents treat their kids. I just want to get in their faces and say, “Don’t you know what a precious gift you have?”

    My husband was in a store one time when he overheard a little boy ask his dad if he could have a toy. The dad responded, “I don’t think you’re even worth it.” My husband stopped, bent down, and said to the little boy, “You ARE worth it!! I think you are very worth it.”

  5. Pingback: The Journey is….pain. | The Journey is…

  6. This just makes me so sad. With two adopted daughters I worry about them more than the others because I so want them to know that I love them unconditionally. Somehow I don’t worry about that as much with the others, but the girls need to know that even though they’ve lost one family, they will NEVER lose us and our love will stand the test of time.
    There are so many tragic situations, and I’ve seen more than my share as a police officer, but it never ceases to bewilder me how these beautiful little creatures can withstand such terrible hurt and still love. They are truly God’s creatures.

    • Patricia,
      I would say…don’t worry about them 🙂 Just simply be, “momma”. Not knowing anything about your daughters, I can only speak from my personal experience…I was never introduced as Julia, “my adopted daughter”, when people would ask my mom, “Who does that little girl belong to?” She just said, “She’s mine.” If asked, we would talk openly about adoption…but I never felt that I was any different than my sister(their natural born child). My adoption story, was just as normal to me as listening to them tell my sister how long mom was in labor & how she knew it was time to go to the hospital.

      Here is my “story” if you would like to read it…keeping in mind when I grew up & where I grew up…I was almost the only asian person that I knew. Besides, Connie Chung(She was a popular news correspondent back in the day. I don’t know if you have heard of her since you are in Canada) 🙂
      http://thejourneyis.org/2011/05/23/the-journey-is-adoption/

      Love wins! I’m sure you are a great mom! I am so glad your daughters are in your life & obviously cherished!
      ~Julia

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