The Journey is…Olivia. “Mom’s are stupid sometimes.”

Smiling as I watched the busy little girl at the table next to us.  Up and down in her chair, talking & talking AND TALKING!…while the rest of the family sat basically in silence as they finished their meal.  The restaurant was full of people, but she caught my eye.  With her dark hair & almond eyes, she looked nothing like the rest of her family.  I assumed that like me, she was probably adopted.  My mind wondered as I thought back to my own childhood….Thinking that this little family had a likeness to my own as a little girl.  She continued fidgeting & talking…and asking for ICE CREAM over & over.

Then the likeness to my family suddenly came to a halt as I heard the mother speak these words:  “Don’t make me wish we hadn’t got you!”

I kept waiting for the rest of the sentence.  Surely I heard her wrong!!!  I kept thinking….“FINISH THE SENTENCE!”

Don’t make me wish we hadn’t got you….that big sandwich…that HUGE drink…that nasty, stinky, dirty pet hampster…SOMETHING…………ANYTHING!

But, NOTHING.  That was it.

Simply, Don’t make me wish we hadn’t got YOU.

I was SO MAD!  I wanted to revoke that mom’s parenting license!  I could literally feel my blood pressure rise…I had to make myself relax…or risk ruining the whole meal with my own family.  How did the little girl respond?  What did she do?  Nothing.  The mom hurriedly grabbed her by the arm & rushed her around the restaurant….out the door they went.  She was too young to understand those words…today.

So…to give her the benefit of the doubt…I will say, maybe that mom doesn’t realize the power that is held in the words that she speaks to her child.  Maybe…she even had similar words spoken to her as a child.

So since I will likely never see her again…I’ll take a minute here & to talk to that little girl.  Maybe she’ll read this one day, let’s just call her “Olivia” (I just love that name):

Dear Olivia,

It was so nice to see you today, you were the most precious child in that restaurant today.  I enjoyed watching as you filled the place with sunshine!   I’m sure you’ll learn to sit still long enough to eat lunch one day…and that ICE CREAM!!!  I know!  It’s hard to eat an old boring sandwich when they have all that delicious ICE CREAM just wating for us to enjoy!!!  Someday you’ll be a grown up…then you can eat dessert first if you want(that’s what I do sometimes)!

I am so sorry about what your mom said today.  I hope she stops!  You know, us moms aren’t perfect…we often say things that we don’t really mean when we’re frustrated.  Many times, we just repeat what we heard said to us when we were kids.

Olivia, you’re going to find in life that LOTS of people are going to say many hurtful things to you.  You know what?  Just because they say them….THAT DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE!!!  For example:  If I say, “Olivia….you are a ROCK.  A great big, gray, mass…a boulder.”  You’re not going to be sad and think, “Well, it must be true.  I’m a rock…because Mrs. Julia said so.”  You’re not going to be sad and cry because now you just have to sit on the side of the road for the rest of your life, watching the cars drive by.  You’re going to think…that’s silly.  Mrs. Julia is so wrong…I’m a person!  You will just move on, forgetting about what I called you…

So your mom has said…”Don’t make me wish we hadn’t got you”.

What do YOU think about that?  How does that make YOU feel?  I’m guessing that makes you think that you are unwanted, that nobody loves you.  That if you don’t do everything just right, you are unlovable.  I just want to make sure you know, just because they said it and just because that’s how you feel….that doesn’t make it true.

Olivia, you were handcrafted by the Lord Jesus Christ himself!  YOU ARE who God says you are!  This is what He says…He says that you are Created in His image!  Filled with His LIFE!  God created you because He wanted to fellowship with you.  He IS Love…and that love lives in you and flows out of you.   You ARE here on this earth at this moment, for a specific purpose!  You are loved.  You are wanted.”

Your life will bless many, I know it already blessed mine!

Love,

Mrs. Julia

To all the parents that are reading this, I would say:  You chose to have them…you chose to keep them….or in this case…you chose to adopt her as your own.  Children are precious gifts from God…NOW CHOOSE to love them every minute of every day.  Make sure they know they are wanted…cherished ♥

 

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The Journey is…adoption.

How Does It Feel to Be Adopted?…and various other answers to questions that inquiring minds want to know…

by Julia Freeman Davis on Thursday, January 27, 2011 at 8:06pm

I had a friend ask me to share with her “my adoption story”, she wanted to know & thought others might be interested as well…which makes me smile…

I’ve never given it much thought….because it doesn’t seem to be much of a story to me.  It’s just…my life…nothing particularly amazing here.  But REALLY it IS amazing, when I take a minute to reflect….but we’ll get to that in a minute…

So to answer her ?

PART I

This is the best I remember as told to me through the years from my mom & dad.  I haven’t been told the story in over 20 years, so I might not have all my facts straight.  My parent’s, Delbert & Carol Freeman & my sister Debbie(who was a pretty, blonde hair & blue eyed 2 year old girl & quite the center of attention on the other side of the world), were stationed in Taiwan(there used to be an Air Force Base there).  They wanted to add to their beautiful family & decided to do so through adoption.  Upon arriving at the adoption agency they said to my dad, “Since you already have a girl, I’m SURE you want a BOY right?”  To which he replied, “NO!  Boys are nasty, I know…I was one!”  They told him there was a girl available, but they would have to get right on a plane & get her then.  So off they went to get ME!  But…as they were in the air, mom could tell the plane was turning around.  I don’t remember why, but they had to go back & take another flight to the little town of Hualien in Taiwan http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hualien_County  Their flight was either cancelled or delayed twice.  Once in Hualien, they saw this 3 day old, big headed baby girl.  Mom says that I was bundled up in blankets, and as she unwrapped, and unwrapped, AND UNWRAPPED…they found a little shriveled up body.  Born 6 weeks premature, breach birth & jaundice….to a little 16 year old, unwed teenager.  They immediately took me back to the base, where the Dr scolded my parents for taking me out of the incubator…onto an airplane….to bring me there!  Then he found out that I had never been in an incubator, and told them that they probably saved my life!

That was just the beginning of my wonderful, blessed life with my amazing family!  I love having a physical example of the new life we have when we are adopted into the family of God!  We take on the new family name of Jesus & receive the same benefits as the rest of the family!  I do enjoy thinking of how different my life was because of being adopted into a new way of living, how they gave me a wonderful LIFE compared to what I’m sure my life would have been like otherwise.  Almost 40 years ago, a child born out of wed lock in Taiwan was quite the disgrace!  I love the way the Lord leads & guides our lives to bring us to fulfill our divine purpose on this earth!  It’s true…the old…what you would have been is gone forever!  You are new in Christ!  I like the fact that He brought me from the other side of the world and entwined my life with you, my friends & family from all over America, and brought me to my NOW…here in Clanton, AL!….and I am glad that Mrs. Weir asked me about my story, so I could reminisce & think of the WONDER and greatness of our Heavenly Father!  Thank you!

PART II

TOP QUESTIONS or Comments I’ve heard through the years…and I honestly don’t mind answering them…so when you read this picture me with a smile on my face:

-How does it feel to be adopted?  It doesn’t feel like anything.  I was a baby.  It is what I’ve always known.

-How old were you when you were adopted?  3 days old

-Did your parent’s have to teach you how to speak English?….as in…didn’t you automatically speak Chinese when you started saying your first words? REALLY…I don’t think I’m even going to answer this one….

-You speak such GOOOOOOOOD ENGLISH!  Thank you, I try.

-Can you speak Chinese?  Yes.  I can count to 10 in Chinese & can name most dishes on the menu at your local Chinese restaurant(I was a waitress at a Chinese restaurant for a short time right out of high school…not a very good one either…but I DID look the part)

-What are you?  A person…a child of the MOST HIGH KING!  Oh, OK that’s not what you meant was it?  I was born in Taiwan…which makes me Chinese…I think.

-Do you want to find your REAL MOM?  No…I already did.  Your real parents are those that love you & raise you.  But I have entertained the thought of finding my birth mother briefly, only to let her know that I appreciate what she did & that I am happy & blessed.  If I were in her shoes, I would want to have that peace.  My mom did meet my birth mother once(she had freckles like me).  My mom prayed that the Lord would send someone to her to lead her to Christ.  I feel confident that I will meet her in heaven someday.

-YES…I DO wonder who I look like & if I have little brothers & sisters…but honestly never think about it unless someone asks.

-Did your parent’s tell you that you were adopted?  Did you know?  How did you find out?  hmmmm….have you seen a family picture?  I don’t think they could have kept it a secret, even if they wanted to!

….and I KNOW!  I look like Connie Chung, Kristi Yamaguchi, Pocahontas, Winnie off the Wonder Years, Michelle Kwan…and any other olive skinned, almond eyes, black hair person/character you have ever seen…

Do I wish I had grown up in Taiwan?  What….and missed out on all the finger pointing, push your eyes up with your pointer fingers, chinese imitating noises as I walk by, chinese people jokes(uh-oh….you forgot I was CHINESE when you told that one huh?)  No, not at all.  I think all that made me the caring, compassionate, looking for the true beauty that is shining from the inside….person that I am today.

I feel this sounds somewhat bitter…but honestly…I am not.  I was hurt when I was a kid, but I have found that the Lord heals the broken hearted.  Don’t most of us have some kind of hurt in our past that we have to purposely give to the Lord?  When the pain, anxiety, or feelings start to come back…you have to remind yourself….NO, I gave that bag of hurt with all it’s needles of poison sticking out to the Lord & he destroyed it.  He lovingly gave his peace, joy & love in return….that is the only package I receive.  The gift of His Love!  He’s such a good daddy!

What seems to be a mistake, a burden, a problem intended by the devil to destroy lives…(from the scared teenage girl who had made a mistake, the baby that seemed to be a burden(me)…to the hurtful things said by unlearned immature people)….when given to the Lord, he makes something beautiful instead.  What was designed to destroy often becomes the ministry that becomes your passion.  The joy that fills your life!

Building & valuing people…Loving them with the Love of our Amazing Heavenly Father!

That is the ministry that is dearest to my heart.

…that’s my story…and I’m sticking to it!

LOVE U ALL!!!

~Julia

Our family at my sister's wedding 2010

2010~Our family at my sister’s wedding ❤