The Journey is…honor.

1992

WHO I WAS, but not who I am…the old Julia that most of you have never met...changed by unfailing love.

During this season, when thinking of the things I am most thankful for it is only natural that my thoughts would turn to my husband.  Particularly when my dad e-mailed us a video that also happened to come on TV yesterday as we were getting ready for the day.  My dad suggested that it would be a good marriage “refresher course”, as it was something they enjoyed watching themselves.   In it, Joyce Meyer & her husband Dave, were speaking on marriage.  They discussed how Dave decided to be happy no matter how Joyce was acting.  He so reminded me of Matt.  I used to get furious with Matt when he would refuse to argue with me.  He would say, “I’m not going to argue with you.”  Then he would just be silent.  No matter how much I tore into him, he would only love me in return.  In fact, at times, he would come & wrap his arms around me & just hold me when I was being my ugliest.  I just stood there still as a statue…on the outside anyway.  What he couldn’t see was that on the inside, my hard crusty shell was melting.  That is so humbling to me.  I was much like Joyce in the fact that I was guilty of putting the blame for our life’s hardships & failures on Matt, instead of asking the Lord to “change ME”.  I had a part to play in my own life & I wasn’t meeting my end.  I so appreciate that every life decision he made for our family, was with the intention to bring blessing to our lives & follow God’s plan for our lives.  When I grew up & quit looking for Matt to meet all my needs, I found that I was complete in Jesus Christ alone.  When I think back on all these years…I can’t help but want to give honor where it is due.  Nobody knows what I put him through. I am truly thankful that he didn’t give up on me.  I am so aware that he could have at any time said that I wasn’t worth it…and he would have been right.  For some reason, the comment by John, from John & Kate plus 8, has really bothered me.  When they divorced, he said, “This is not what I signed up for”.  I KNOW what Matt experienced with me is not what he signed up for!  Everywhere I look I see men leaving their wives.  Even now, after almost 20 years of his Christ-like-ness, if I let my mind wander I begin to feel insecure.  I am thankful that he let the Lord guide him & show him what to do to reach me.  His example has changed ME.  It is only someone who is determined to love with the unconditional love of Christ that would have the strength to do this.

My daughter & I were talking yesterday about how absolutely CRAZY that was for her daddy & I to get married.  We were barely 17 & 18…the age of many of her friends….and we had only dated 6 months!  I am so amazed that at such a young age, he would have had the wisdom to have what it takes to keep our marriage together.  Really AMAZED!  Have you ever been around a 17 year old boy!?!  He thought he was getting this sweet, kind, soft-spoken wife.  I know that, because that is what I thought I was too!  Not until AFTER we were married, did the real Julia appear.  I just never had anyone to argue with before that point.  Talk about, THIS IS NOT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR!

I don’t stay ornery & argumentative CONSTANTLY.  I have my nice moments.    We say often at our house, “I love you…and I like you too!”  There is a difference you know.   We all have people that we LOVE….but the thought of spending any amount of time with them sucks all the energy out of you.  We discuss this sometimes, how awful it would be to dread the little time we get to spend together.  I look forward to every minute I get to be in his presence.  My love for Matt is nothing new.  In all the ups and downs of life, & even the times of emotional struggle,  that has remained constant.  He is my very best friend.  In fact I wrote of the darkest times in our marriage not too long ago.  If you were to read this, \”The Journey is…dark\”, you would find that the darkest time in my life was not just in our hardships & losses, we had many of those before my darkest days.  My darkest days, were when I felt that I was loosing him as well.  The closeness, friendship & time that we had always had together was forced to change. All that I knew & was comfortable with was leaving.  But life is full of stages & changes, you adapt & move forward….or grow bitter & die.  In the changes, I learned to love myself.   So, in what is considered loss…the Lord is bringing gain.  Again…I am thankful!

When I watch the \”The Pursuit of Happyness\”…my thoughts always turn to Matt.  I believe that is the life he has been and is living.  When he was a teenager he had a dream to have a real family, unlike the home he grew up in which was full of turmoil.  As an adult he has that dream and a dream in the business world…and he is willing to do whatever it takes to protect his dreams & make them happen.  I cringed as I watched the wife in the movie…it was a familiar scene when she angrily told him to go get a real job.  Only because shamefully, I have said the same thing to Matt before.  In the movie you see the true life story of Chris Gardner….you see the long hours, the running, the sacrifice, the struggling to provide for his family, the disapointments, the utter hopelessness at times…and the dreamthe action, the do-ing, the creativity….and then what I would say is the hand of God that comes along to provide, to give divine appointments…faithful to bring success.  In the movie…the people on the outside had no concept of what the man actually went through in the pursuit of his dreams.

It is my personal opinion, that my husband deserves such honor & respect.  He is living, walking, talking unfailing mercy & grace.  This is my goal…the same sacrificial love that he has never failed to show me…is the same love he deserves in return…and SO MUCH MORE!  It would be my dream to possibly give back to him what he has taught me through his actions.

Unworthy…but so very thankful!

~Julia

2011

Here are a few things I have been meaning to transfer over to this blog.  I wrote these on FB, before I started blogging.

~ Our first date.

~ Cherish theTreasure

Valentine\’s Day 😦

~ ….and you thought we were the Davis-es…

~ Every day I choose to say \”I DO\”

~ Long ago 🙂

The Journey is….TBH

To Be Honest:

I am really a grumpy old hag…with high expectations…

…who pouts when things don’t turn out like I planned them to.

I am scatterbrained, disorganized, an awful cook & housekeeper….

…and I burn my family’s favorite clothes items with the iron.

I don’t like pets.

(But secretly I believe that’s because they all die anyway,

and that hurts.)

I put on my happy face when I am in public.

I read my own blog all the time because it reminds me of who I really am,

and who God created me to be.

It is God speaking to me.

I feel like Forrest Gump when I run.

He was frustrated.

He ran.

3 years later he was ok. 

He stopped running.

I will not post this on FB…and why I would blog about it is beyond me.

I know…

the truth is…

the real me is who God says I am.

The real me will be back later.

Jesus loves me anyway.

I’m going to go run now. 

Goodbye.

The Journey is…embarrasing.

GET HAPPY OR GO TO BED (THANKFUL THURSDAY….on Wednesday…)

RUN. WORK. BALL GAME. RUN. WORK. GROCERY STORE. CHURCH. RUN. WORK. BALL GAME.

*Grumpy face*

“Great.  Tomorrow’s Thursday…now I have to think of something to be thankful for….”

hmmmmm…..don’t think I was well pleasing to my Lord today.
My attitude…MY CHOICE.  At the Davis’ home, bad attitudes are not allowed…seriously…not tolerated.  If you’re going to choose to be grumpy, then you’re choosing to go to your room.  So…put on a happy face, or go to bed.

So…as much as I might like to stay in my room today….I have too much to do.  So here’s my attitude adjustment:

I am thankful for the little things that make up my daily life.

RUN.  Thank you Lord for….the cooler weather…running has been a pleasure this week.

WORK.  Thank you Lord for….Money that we earned to pay for groceries.  We were able to go on vacation this year without putting a strain on our budget…first time ever.  Customers & the opportunity to be a light in their world.  Dedicated employees.  Wisdom to know the next step, courage to step out & do it.  New product ideas.  A growing, successful company.   Hard working husband, dedicated to his family & the dream the Lord has put in his heart.

BALLGAMES. Thank you Lord for….Smiles on my girls face & her teamates…as they WON their game!  Enjoying the great attitudes & teamwork that they displayed, and the life lesson they have learned.   Being a young team the last few years, they have now learned the REWARDS of hard work, even through some tough & dissapointing learning seasons in the past.  They look great out on the court this year.  I am excited for them!

CHURCH.  Thank you Lord for…the gift of your life that lives and dwells in our Spirits. Your WORD that is powerful, freeing the captive. The opportunity to worship, learn, grow & give with family & friends.  Pre-schooler’s to teach that say the funniest things…not to mention this fact….they give THE BEST hugs ever!

….and….

-Friends that write blogs encouraging us to be Thankful.  Thanks Mrs. Tricia!  I appreciate you!  http://twotiarasandasword.blogspot.com/2011/08/thankful-thursday_11.html?spref=fb

 It’s actually embarrasing to think about my ungratefulness.  You just can’t stay grumpy, when you start thinking about HIS GOODNESS!!!

The Journey is…addicting

RUN “GRUMPY”!

I have a confession to make….You would think that with all the victory I have experienced this past year…I would just jump out of bed every morning…anticipating the morning’s run.

Instead, my first thought is…..”I don’t like to run.”    Most days I don’t even want to run.  I even get grumpy at the mere thought of having to run.

So why do I run?

When I make myself run “grumpy”, I feel:

-like a winner…I win over myself, my excuses, my flesh.

-in chargeIn the life I have happily chosen, I am often pulled 15 different directions…attempting to make everyone elses life the best it can be.   At times things feel quite out of my control.   When running….I choose if I’m going to run, where I’m going, how long I run, which direction to go, what to listen to, which races to enter.

-alone…I cherish rare quiet moments.  Even when running with a partner or during a race with thousands of people…somehow…I still feel alone, and I like it.

-loved…God speaks to my spirit & ministers to my life the most when I run.  I’m sure that’s why He tried to get me to start for all those years.

I have found that…”grumpy” always, without fail, turns into “happy”!  Satisfied.

I do have a theory…the more I choose to listen to my Spirit, my flesh will fall into submission.  I believe the day will come that I will wake up…excited about lacing up my shoes!

There was a short time in my life where I felt accustomed to losing.  Running makes me feel like the winner that God created us all to be…and I like that!

I like it a lot…You might even say I’m becoming addicted to winning!